And It's Alright...

Coffee makes me Crazy. I really shouldn’t have had 2 cups on a school night:/ Maybe this means I’ll do something productive?

Going to be a long night… just have to stay focused and keep reminding myself why I’m doing it..

I just don’t understand how someone could be so selfish. I don’t know you anymore. I want my sister back. My best friend back. Where did she go? I seriously cannot grasp how inconsiderate you are being right now! What in the hell is wrong with you? Is it awful that I am having these thoughts? I’ll just keep watching on the sideline as you get treated like a little princess, just keep watching.

I don’t want to be having these thoughts again. I just want to be happy. Please.

Frustrated

The minute, the second, no for one INSTANT I believed you were coming to talk to me for my successes rather than my failures, you trick me into believing you actually care, and then turn it around into how I disappointed YOU. I swear, for a moment in my life I actually felt clean andaccomplished, but that was only for a moment because in a split second its gone and you come in and ruin my pride and joy. Its no wonder I feel depressed all the time.Once again I disappoint the people I love the most and NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING I do is good enough for you.

I call myself fat. You get mad.

I go workout. You get mad.

I put a smile on for you. Its not good enough- you can see right through me.

I apologize. According to you I don’t mean it.

I keep my cool and don’t loose my temper. You loose yours.

I loose my temper. Even more reason for you to get mad at me

I sincerely, honestly, promise that I genuinely try to do the right thing. Yet, I always cease to impress you. Better yet, I let you down every. single. time.